So in case you didn't read Part 1 of What The Hell Am I Doing?, you may want to read that first HERE so you know that this control freak left her family for 3 weeks to go overseas and hopefully help loosen her grip on running everyone's lives...

But as a mum of 2 young teens and a wife of a hubby that is commonly referred to as my third kid, it's my job to run their lives no? Well Yes and No...

There are 'degrees' in which we help run a life aren't there...and if you are so used to scaffolding your kids and partners' lives, you can tend to forget along the way that they have to take over at some point. And you are actually doing them a disservice by taking over all the time because you aren't going to always be there for them and you are also disempowering them.

For some, this awareness might be enough to pull back from your full scale scaffolding but for others, you may need to book an overseas break on the other side of the globe...which yes, is what I did (well it helped me justify the decision anyway!) and so I'm freshly back from Switzerland (with a bit of Germany and Holland thrown in) and thought I would do a control freak's report on this experiment of mine.

Firstly, it was just what I needed. I felt so guilty and nervous before I left but once I was away, something slowly unfurled and relaxed. It was the pre-kids Alisha. The pre-is everyone ok? Alisha. The pre-it's all my responsibility Alisha.

And it was glorious.

Looking after 2 young teens lately, one with AuDHD, has been a LOT and while I am lucky to have such a hands on partner, he can be a lot to manage sometimes too! Especially since I hit perimenopause...I wonder why that is? 🤭

So yes, it was amazing for me and I enjoyed every minute...but how did this control freak feel about what was happening back home? Well that was a mixed bag...

I loved being able to FaceTime them which I did every second day and sometimes the kids would tear their eyes away from their devices to speak to me and sometimes they didn't and hubby would fill me in as best he could. This felt hard some days as I had thought with me being out of their space that the kids would be gagging to see me and talk to me...yeah, nup!

This is what I had to put up with when facetiming!

So what was also unfurling in me was the realisation that the world was still turning for my family without me being at the centre of their universe and that they were even doing well and even preferring this holiday from mum!

That was a little hard to swallow. But I guess when you do have someone trying to organise your days and tell you what you need to be doing, it would be awesome to have a holiday from that! 

And it meant I had to get comfy with knowing that they were on their devices more than I would like (they were on school holidays so as much as they wanted...) and that sometimes they wouldn't have brushed their teeth as dad didn't remind them...and that they wouldn't eat takeaway more often and lunch may be just a couple of packet type snacks from the pantry.

And you know what? I did get comfy with that. I was so lucky to be in a position where I could take a holiday from motherhood (well the day to day part of motherhood) and enjoy some time travelling with friends as well as bit of solo travel that I started to realise that as long as everyone was alive and healthy when I got home, then that was all that mattered.

So the only things that hubby had a hard time with was a flooded laundry (he left a tap on and got distracted) which required a massive clean up and replacing a couple of cupboard doors, a missing cat (found on a neighbours roof and needed assistance getting down). The cat now wears an electronic tag that is way too big but makes me laugh every time I look at him...and coming down with a cold and chesty cough (juggling work and solo parenting maybe?) and that was about it.

Bernie with his electronic tag on his collar! 😂

So I got home to a clean(ish) house, all family members and pets accounted for and I only needed to revive 2 of my house plants which are now looking much better. 

And there was a bit of an adjustment period for my daughter and I on my return. She had been worrying that her new found freedom would all go away when I got home so as soon as I mentioned about being off thier devices by a certain time when school went back, I was treated like a mean dictator that had no right to infringe on her newfound freedom.

But there's a line when it comes to parenting isn't there? Of course it's lovely to have freedom and feel like you are in control of your own life but until you are an adult with a fully developed pre-frontal cortex, your decisions need guiding and that's our job as their parents.

It's finding that elusive line of balance between controlling and guiding but I can tell you for sure, that with just 3 weeks off, I feel more confident that I can be less controlling and a lot more guiding. I know my kids need a parent that falls somewhere between me and my husband so with the two of us together doing our best to influence the other, surely we will get there?

But if there is anyone out there that knows how to parent effectively with the perfect balance while getting all desired outcomes reached, please call me immediately as I would love to know!

Love Alisha x

So in case you didn't read Part 1 of What The Hell Am I Doing?, you may want to read that first HERE so you know that this control freak left her family for 3 weeks to go overseas and hopefully help loosen her grip on running everyone's lives...

But as a mum of 2 young teens and a wife of a hubby that is commonly referred to as my third kid, it's my job to run their lives no? Well Yes and No...

There are 'degrees' in which we help run a life aren't there...and if you are so used to scaffolding your kids and partners' lives, you can tend to forget along the way that they have to take over at some point. And you are actually doing them a disservice by taking over all the time because you aren't going to always be there for them and you are also disempowering them.

For some, this awareness might be enough to pull back from your full scale scaffolding but for others, you may need to book an overseas break on the other side of the globe...which yes, is what I did (well it helped me justify the decision anyway!) and so I'm freshly back from Switzerland (with a bit of Germany and Holland thrown in) and thought I would do a control freak's report on this experiment of mine.

Firstly, it was just what I needed. I felt so guilty and nervous before I left but once I was away, something slowly unfurled and relaxed. It was the pre-kids Alisha. The pre-is everyone ok? Alisha. The pre-it's all my responsibility Alisha.

And it was glorious.

Looking after 2 young teens lately, one with AuDHD, has been a LOT and while I am lucky to have such a hands on partner, he can be a lot to manage sometimes too! Especially since I hit perimenopause...I wonder why that is? 🤭

So yes, it was amazing for me and I enjoyed every minute...but how did this control freak feel about what was happening back home? Well that was a mixed bag...

I loved being able to FaceTime them which I did every second day and sometimes the kids would tear their eyes away from their devices to speak to me and sometimes they didn't and hubby would fill me in as best he could. This felt hard some days as I had thought with me being out of their space that the kids would be gagging to see me and talk to me...yeah, nup!

This is what I had to put up with when facetiming!

So what was also unfurling in me was the realisation that the world was still turning for my family without me being at the centre of their universe and that they were even doing well and even preferring this holiday from mum!

That was a little hard to swallow. But I guess when you do have someone trying to organise your days and tell you what you need to be doing, it would be awesome to have a holiday from that! 

And it meant I had to get comfy with knowing that they were on their devices more than I would like (they were on school holidays so as much as they wanted...) and that sometimes they wouldn't have brushed their teeth as dad didn't remind them...and that they wouldn't eat takeaway more often and lunch may be just a couple of packet type snacks from the pantry.

And you know what? I did get comfy with that. I was so lucky to be in a position where I could take a holiday from motherhood (well the day to day part of motherhood) and enjoy some time travelling with friends as well as bit of solo travel that I started to realise that as long as everyone was alive and healthy when I got home, then that was all that mattered.

So the only things that hubby had a hard time with was a flooded laundry (he left a tap on and got distracted) which required a massive clean up and replacing a couple of cupboard doors, a missing cat (found on a neighbours roof and needed assistance getting down). The cat now wears an electronic tag that is way too big but makes me laugh every time I look at him...and coming down with a cold and chesty cough (juggling work and solo parenting maybe?) and that was about it.

Bernie with his electronic tag on his collar! 😂

So I got home to a clean(ish) house, all family members and pets accounted for and I only needed to revive 2 of my house plants which are now looking much better. 

And there was a bit of an adjustment period for my daughter and I on my return. She had been worrying that her new found freedom would all go away when I got home so as soon as I mentioned about being off thier devices by a certain time when school went back, I was treated like a mean dictator that had no right to infringe on her newfound freedom.

But there's a line when it comes to parenting isn't there? Of course it's lovely to have freedom and feel like you are in control of your own life but until you are an adult with a fully developed pre-frontal cortex, your decisions need guiding and that's our job as their parents.

It's finding that elusive line of balance between controlling and guiding but I can tell you for sure, that with just 3 weeks off, I feel more confident that I can be less controlling and a lot more guiding. I know my kids need a parent that falls somewhere between me and my husband so with the two of us together doing our best to influence the other, surely we will get there?

But if there is anyone out there that knows how to parent effectively with the perfect balance while getting all desired outcomes reached, please call me immediately as I would love to know!

Love Alisha x