I've just jumped off a telehealth appointment with my psychologist and I'm needing to pop some of my thoughts down, not just for me but maybe for you as well.

**can we just quickly acknowledge that I'm so committed to my healing journey right now that I managed to squeeze in a psych appointment during the early part of January school holidays! A time when we are literally just trying to manage things like getting back to cooking dinner every night instead of serving up ham and turkey toasted sandwiches! So YAY me!**

My emotional health has always been very important to me but the last 18 months have shown me that I need to make myself a priority more than I ever have before in my 47 years. Not just for me but my kids as well.

Anyway my word for the year is TRUST.

This word came up a lot for me in December after a kinesiology appointment where I gave myself a personal and business clearing session to wrap up 2024.

My body told me that I needed to Trust.

Trust the process.

Trust that there is always good times after the bad times.

Trust others.

Trust that all can be well even if you're not at the helm.

Now this last one is the hardest for me because my childhood formed the belief that if I wasn't in control, things would go wrong.

If I wasn't the extremely hypervigilant child that I was, I wouldn't be safe and people I loved might not be safe either.

This created an early belief, that to this day, means I can go into full blown fear if I'm not controlling a situation that I am unsure of or there is potential for anyone to get emotionally or physically hurt. 

Now that SUCKS big time being a parent myself.

Because of course we have to let go of this control little by little as our kids grow so they can become autonomously functioning members of society that can make their own mistakes and learn from them...which is literally the human experience right?

So I need to keep working on my own control issues to allow my kids to become who they are without them needing too much therapy down the track! *sigh*

I wish I didn't have this sometimes all consuming need to set their life up for them to experience no hurt or disappointment...and want to protect them from everything painful and hard in this world...because not trying to control all this for them would be a lot less exhausting for me!

And when your 13 year old daughter goes through anorexia (essentially a mental health illness that stems from CONTROL issues) and you want to help her AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, then you keep working on the best environment you can give her which is a home with a parent (or two!) that constantly works on their own nervous system regulation and any of their own issues that might impinge on the mental health of their child. 

At this point I should make clear that I don't (completely) blame myself for what my daughter went through this time last year...it was a myriad of factors that included unmedicated ADHD and very clever masking of anxiety (and in girls who are smart and do well in school, ADHD may never be picked up in childhood and may be diagnosed later in life like yours truly!), completing her first year of high school at an all girls school and going through puberty. And my daughter didn't even have social media so it's hard to add this to the list of factors but of course she found ways to see platforms on her friends phones and on YouTube when she had time on the iPad.

So yes, while there was an aspect of rebellion against control for my daughter, it was also all these other things too so I am not sitting here at home blaming myself completely (anymore!) if anyone is worried. 

I too learned early how to control how my anxiety looks on the outside but that means a whole lot of thoughts and fear are going on internally which is actually much worse for us.

And of course that means it can reach a tipping point where it's visible on the outside which can look like an emotional outburst coming seemingly from nowhere or even someone who looks like they are withdrawing from their surroundings. Worst case scenario is a panic attack which I haven't had for some time due to all the personal work I am doing. 

And yes I am getting so much better at it but you can't TRUST unless you have a regulated and calm nervous system FIRST.

So before I can even practice trust I need to make sure I am grounded, calm and relaxed which isn't always the case when you own a business, parenting young teens, are one half of a marriage, have family members, exist in society, just live on planet Earth...

But luckily there are lots of ways we can regulate our nervous system in the moment:

Removing ourselves from the situation that has escalated things in the first place and take some slow deep breaths somewhere calm and quiet.

I take flower essence blends and the blends I use for these types of situations are Grounding, Help and Let it Go

Going for a walk around the block

Cold water splashed on face and some people go as far as popping their face in a bowl of water and ice. A cold shower also helps!

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and self talk

And remember it takes around 20 minutes to completely regulate your nervous system again after it has been escalated. 

Once I am in a regulated state again, I remind myself of the word TRUST

I try and breathe that word and intention into my body right down to my toes.

It is so freeing. It is so relieving. It's like someone has taken something heavy off my head and shoulders.

Other people might like to use the phrase 'Let Them' which is essentially removing yourself from controlling the outcome and letting people do what they need to do (as long as no is getting hurt or doing anything illegal) so that they can experience life for themselves and work out what they need to do next time if it didn't go how they had planned. 

We need to let people do what they have to do and sometimes that's hard if we can see a better way or a kinder way or a gentler way. But mostly, it's not for us to say. So let them.

My friend Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim reminded me of this recently and if you want to deep dive on this a bit further, you can look into The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. 

This is not always easy. In fact for people like me, it never is.

I watched my daughter try and tan herself in the sun on the beach in the Australian Summer (!!) because the fight to get her in the shade under the cool cabana was reaching epic public showdown proportions! I had to remind myself that she was slathered in 50+ sun cream and she would get hot soon enough and come back under the shade...which she did. 

I have to let my son ride his bike to friends houses now that he is old enough even though we live in a city and he has to cross many main roads. I have to trust that all will be ok. I also have the Life360 app on my phone which helps my trust issues somewhat 🤭

And I know that these are so minor compared to what I will face ahead (someone please check on me when my kids are at drivers license age!) but I will keep trusting and I will let them.

And it's ok if you don't always get it right. There are times I still fly off the handle if my kids do something so out of the realm of my consideration! So when taken by surprise like this I'm not really ready to be calm and grounded and trusting...

I'm not here to say that all my personal work and self awareness means I am becoming the zen monk of parenting...but it does mean I am making my life easier some days and I am giving my kids more room to explore who they want to be and how they want to act.

I am here to say my word of 2025 is TRUST and I'm giving myself permission as always to be a work in progress.

I'd love to hear what your word might be?

Yours in Health,

Alisha x

I've just jumped off a telehealth appointment with my psychologist and I'm needing to pop some of my thoughts down, not just for me but maybe for you as well.

**can we just quickly acknowledge that I'm so committed to my healing journey right now that I managed to squeeze in a psych appointment during the early part of January school holidays! A time when we are literally just trying to manage things like getting back to cooking dinner every night instead of serving up ham and turkey toasted sandwiches! So YAY me!**

My emotional health has always been very important to me but the last 18 months have shown me that I need to make myself a priority more than I ever have before in my 47 years. Not just for me but my kids as well.

Anyway my word for the year is TRUST.

This word came up a lot for me in December after a kinesiology appointment where I gave myself a personal and business clearing session to wrap up 2024.

My body told me that I needed to Trust.

Trust the process.

Trust that there is always good times after the bad times.

Trust others.

Trust that all can be well even if you're not at the helm.

Now this last one is the hardest for me because my childhood formed the belief that if I wasn't in control, things would go wrong.

If I wasn't the extremely hypervigilant child that I was, I wouldn't be safe and people I loved might not be safe either.

This created an early belief, that to this day, means I can go into full blown fear if I'm not controlling a situation that I am unsure of or there is potential for anyone to get emotionally or physically hurt. 

Now that SUCKS big time being a parent myself.

Because of course we have to let go of this control little by little as our kids grow so they can become autonomously functioning members of society that can make their own mistakes and learn from them...which is literally the human experience right?

So I need to keep working on my own control issues to allow my kids to become who they are without them needing too much therapy down the track! *sigh*

I wish I didn't have this sometimes all consuming need to set their life up for them to experience no hurt or disappointment...and want to protect them from everything painful and hard in this world...because not trying to control all this for them would be a lot less exhausting for me!

And when your 13 year old daughter goes through anorexia (essentially a mental health illness that stems from CONTROL issues) and you want to help her AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, then you keep working on the best environment you can give her which is a home with a parent (or two!) that constantly works on their own nervous system regulation and any of their own issues that might impinge on the mental health of their child. 

At this point I should make clear that I don't (completely) blame myself for what my daughter went through this time last year...it was a myriad of factors that included unmedicated ADHD and very clever masking of anxiety (and in girls who are smart and do well in school, ADHD may never be picked up in childhood and may be diagnosed later in life like yours truly!), completing her first year of high school at an all girls school and going through puberty. And my daughter didn't even have social media so it's hard to add this to the list of factors but of course she found ways to see platforms on her friends phones and on YouTube when she had time on the iPad.

So yes, while there was an aspect of rebellion against control for my daughter, it was also all these other things too so I am not sitting here at home blaming myself completely (anymore!) if anyone is worried. 

I too learned early how to control how my anxiety looks on the outside but that means a whole lot of thoughts and fear are going on internally which is actually much worse for us.

And of course that means it can reach a tipping point where it's visible on the outside which can look like an emotional outburst coming seemingly from nowhere or even someone who looks like they are withdrawing from their surroundings. Worst case scenario is a panic attack which I haven't had for some time due to all the personal work I am doing. 

And yes I am getting so much better at it but you can't TRUST unless you have a regulated and calm nervous system FIRST.

So before I can even practice trust I need to make sure I am grounded, calm and relaxed which isn't always the case when you own a business, parenting young teens, are one half of a marriage, have family members, exist in society, just live on planet Earth...

But luckily there are lots of ways we can regulate our nervous system in the moment:

Removing ourselves from the situation that has escalated things in the first place and take some slow deep breaths somewhere calm and quiet.

I take flower essence blends and the blends I use for these types of situations are Grounding, Help and Let it Go

Going for a walk around the block

Cold water splashed on face and some people go as far as popping their face in a bowl of water and ice. A cold shower also helps!

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and self talk

And remember it takes around 20 minutes to completely regulate your nervous system again after it has been escalated. 

Once I am in a regulated state again, I remind myself of the word TRUST

I try and breathe that word and intention into my body right down to my toes.

It is so freeing. It is so relieving. It's like someone has taken something heavy off my head and shoulders.

Other people might like to use the phrase 'Let Them' which is essentially removing yourself from controlling the outcome and letting people do what they need to do (as long as no is getting hurt or doing anything illegal) so that they can experience life for themselves and work out what they need to do next time if it didn't go how they had planned. 

We need to let people do what they have to do and sometimes that's hard if we can see a better way or a kinder way or a gentler way. But mostly, it's not for us to say. So let them.

My friend Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim reminded me of this recently and if you want to deep dive on this a bit further, you can look into The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. 

This is not always easy. In fact for people like me, it never is.

I watched my daughter try and tan herself in the sun on the beach in the Australian Summer (!!) because the fight to get her in the shade under the cool cabana was reaching epic public showdown proportions! I had to remind myself that she was slathered in 50+ sun cream and she would get hot soon enough and come back under the shade...which she did. 

I have to let my son ride his bike to friends houses now that he is old enough even though we live in a city and he has to cross many main roads. I have to trust that all will be ok. I also have the Life360 app on my phone which helps my trust issues somewhat 🤭

And I know that these are so minor compared to what I will face ahead (someone please check on me when my kids are at drivers license age!) but I will keep trusting and I will let them.

And it's ok if you don't always get it right. There are times I still fly off the handle if my kids do something so out of the realm of my consideration! So when taken by surprise like this I'm not really ready to be calm and grounded and trusting...

I'm not here to say that all my personal work and self awareness means I am becoming the zen monk of parenting...but it does mean I am making my life easier some days and I am giving my kids more room to explore who they want to be and how they want to act.

I am here to say my word of 2025 is TRUST and I'm giving myself permission as always to be a work in progress.

I'd love to hear what your word might be?

Yours in Health,

Alisha x