Every time I start to wonder if I am getting things right in my life when it comes to my parenting, my relationships or my work, I straight away know that I need to do something for myself - simply because I'm doubting myself in the first place.
I know that all the parts of my life and everything that makes me tick works better when I am filling my own cup up before anyone else's. But I love to give, I love to pour into others cups and I do it subconsciously. I know most of you do this too.
You pour yourself into your kids, your family, your partner, your clients, your friends. It feels good and it's part of being a beautiful human and being connected to others. But remember, that the jug you are pouring from has to be replenished or you are left empty.
Then you are no longer a help to others, you have nothing left to give and you start to question and doubt your life, your decisions and actions. To avoid this, a constant replenishment of all the stuff that makes your cells sing is in order. You can learn to watch out for the reminders that you have forgotten to top yourself up: Are you cranky, tired, resentful, frustrated, doubtful, confused or just plain sad? These are the reminders that it is long overdue to give something to yourself.
Even when it feels too hard or a bit pointless, trust me it's not. Just do it.
Last night I was so tired I could barely see, but I had a ticket for a music concert that I knew I would love and I literally forced myself out the door. I did this because I knew that I would still be a bit tired tomorrow no matter what I did that evening and I may as well recharge my soul to get me through it. And it did, just like I knew it would. It meant going by myself as my husband had to babysit the kids, it meant that I would stand on legs that already felt like jelly for a few hours, it meant leaving my comfort zone of pyjamas, tv and couch but I gave this to myself.
I poured into me.
Now, giving back to yourself doesn't always have to be about forcing yourself out at night when you can hardly move. You have to fill your cup up with what lights you up. Music always does that for me and even just playing it while I'm working or cooking dinner revives me somewhat. A live concert is like an extra special recharge as I get swept up in the energy of everyone loving and listening to the songs and my body seemingly moves all by itself and I feel so good afterwards.
You need to find and do all the things that make YOU feel this good and fit them in whenever you can.
Massages, chats with friends, reading a good book, lying under a tree, dancing, green smoothies, healthy meals, watching a comedy and laughing from your belly, facials, pedicures, knitting, painting, sculpting, drawing, colouring in, sex, swimming, floating, walking, watching the sun set with a wine and some nibblies, going to an art gallery, going to a show or concert, stretching, yoga, playing with your kids without thinking of what you have to do next....just be really present and find that joy whenever and wherever you can.
For the new mums out there and anyone 'crazy busy' thinking that you can not fit this sort of thing in every day, my answer to you is: Yes You Can.
And if you are even thinking you can't fit something you love in every day, it is even more important than you could imagine.
You can create the space to do something, even if it's one small thing a day and the more you pour energy into these feel good activities, the more room will be created to do more of them! Trust me, it just happens.
Side affects of this behaviour are:
More patience with yourself and your kids
Less stress and anxiety
More productive in your work and your household
A better appreciation of how to look after yourself
A joy to be around
So why wouldn't we just do this naturally, if we can create this for ourselves? Why aren't we hard-wired to seek out joy every day?
When I observe my children, I notice that they are constantly seeking joy and laughter and feeling good. We all started out this way. It's just that as we grow up, life gets in the way a bit. We have so many responsibilities and so much to do and we are also thinking we need to be better, cleverer, more creative, richer, skinnier, prettier, more productive, more organised, more spontaneous, more this, more that.
And let's be honest, we can't always be happy and that's not what life is all about.
We have so much to learn and a lot of it is uncomfortable and downright painful. But we can seek a higher vibration to operate at with more moments of contentment and joy in each day simply by tapping into that pleasure seeking center that we are all born with.
We need to practice being present.
We need to check in with ourselves constantly.
We need to ask ourselves more often 'what do I need right now?'
We need to not take ourselves so seriously.
We need to stop wanting more.
We need to stop comparing.
We need to fill our cup FIRST.
We need to realise we can look after others much better if we are looking after ourselves.
Creating these daily habits and cultivating this joy in your life will change how you live. Why not schedule in your joy time just like you would schedule in your exercise or brushing your teeth? It is JUST as important as those activities, if not more.
If you need help with creating these new habits, please have a look at my Looking After Yourself Pack as the 4 blends within this pack are formulated to help you fill up your cup in whatever way it is needed.
Slow Down, Help, Energy and Self Love are the blends I have chosen for this pack as they are the ones that really target the belief systems that can block us from looking after ourselves.
Anxiety, being too busy, doubting ourselves and feeling tired and worn out are all the main road blocks to looking after ourselves and it's these areas this pack will address. These blends won't magically have you going to concerts every night of the week but they will start transferring and releasing energy and emotions that will change how you think, feel and behave.
Other ways in which to turn towards joy and looking after yourself are:
Leaving yourself reminder notes in your diary and your phone saying things like "Are you happy? What have you done to feel good today?"
Enrolling in a class or taking up a hobby or passion project that really lights you up
Make more dates with your partner and friends doing things you LOVE to do!
Think ahead! Book that getaway, holiday, massage or facial in even if you need to ask for help with kid-minding.
Give yourself or your partner 'experiences' instead of 'things' when special occasions roll around. Life is short and you need to get out there and enjoy yourself!
You deserve to live a joyful life. In among the harder, pointier bits of life, this is a gift you can give to yourself and whatever way you start manufacturing it, just start it now!
Let me know how you fill up your cup or look after yourself, I would love more ideas!
Yours in Health,