November 02, 2017
Ever since I was young I have wanted to be forty. Not in the 'wishing my years away' sense but with this strange ingrained knowledge that I would love turning 40 and that in fact, my 40's would be MY decade. And when I say since I was young, it was probably in my early 20's that I first had the thought that reaching 40 would be my holy grail of ages.
As I turn 40 this week, I think back to why that was... Why as a young 20 year old with the world at my feet and opportunities galore, did I aspire to be 40? I think it was because my 20's were full of mistakes. My heart breaks were from my own doing as much as the surprises life can throw us. I had my heart broken and I broke some hearts as well. I was careless with my relationships and mostly only thought of myself and how things would impact me. Much like a teenager but with way more responsibility and resources. I made some choices that would impact my health for the rest of my life.
I did do some amazing things in my 20's. I studied, I travelled the world, I lived overseas away from family and friends for quite a long time. I became a naturopath and met the man I was to marry. I also started my career as a clinical naturopath. And just before I turned 30, I walked across the top of Spain on a 1000 km pilgrimage known as the Camino De Santiago to reflect on my 20's and usher in my 30's.
Even as I was saying goodbye to my 20's I still felt that my 30's would be tough. I just had this knowing. I still wanted to go through it of course, but I knew 40 would be waiting like a golden light at the end. And yes, my 30's have been tough. My 30's have shown me what I am made of and how strong I am but jesus, they hurt. My 30's was the responsible, this is what adulthood is all about type decade. The life lessons came thick and fast because I was ready for them...and because I have an impatient nature, and I wanted to learn it all at once (for anyone in their 30's reading this, please try not to be impatient. As soon as the universe sees you are ready for what's next, you will get it and it can be quite hard and quite painful to keep up!)
So along with all that becoming a parent entails (and if there is anything to help teach you about yourself and what life is all about, doesn't parenthood just kill in this area!?) I learnt that I had to fully break before I could move forward again. Post natal depression and nearly losing our son were the two biggest catalysts for my growth and change in this decade.
There was also losing loved ones, family struggles, health struggles and personal struggles with my weight (spoiler alert for people with weight issues, it's not AT ALL about the weight).
And also finding a comfortable place to call home. We moved homes several times in my 30's including travelling around Australia in a van trying to find the ideal spot. Turned out the spot we ended up in was the one we left from.
It was also the decade where I realised my career involved being more than a naturopath, it involved being an entrepreneur and that brought a whole new dimension to who I was (and along with that came more lessons of course).
I loved becoming a parent twice over and becoming a homeowner and starting my own business. These are all amazing things. But I was tested and tried at every corner...and to be honest, I feel a little exhausted looking back on it. In love with my life...but thoroughly exhausted by it.
If only these truths could come hardwired in our brain from birth hey? But where's the fun in that? ;) In full transparency, I want to end this blog with my last truth. I thought I needed to lose a stack of weight to feel 'Fabulous at Forty' and I guess my best Birthday present ever has been the very recent realisation that I don't need to do that. Maybe the weight will come off one day, maybe it won't. Either way, I think I'm pretty fabulous for making it to forty with this many truths and I will shine my light no matter what my outside looks like. It feels so great to finally not give a stuff about this. I've let myself off the hook and what a great gift that is.
Yours in Health,
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