Making Peace with Letting Go (and Trusting Who They’re Becoming)
There’s a quiet, tender grief that comes with this stage of parenting — the one where you realise the rules and boundaries that once held everything together are no longer the right tools.
For years, I’ve been the mum who set the structure. Bedtimes. Limits. Schedules. A carefully curated life designed to protect, guide and nurture my kids through childhood. And it worked — because it needed to.
But somewhere along the way, they became teenagers.
And with that comes a shift that no one really prepares you for: the slow, deliberate letting go of control so they can begin to manage themselves.
Letting Them Feel the Consequences
These school holidays, I’ve noticed how different things feel.
Staying up too late?
I don’t rush in to fix it anymore.
I let them feel what that’s like the next day — the fog, the tiredness, the realisation that choices have consequences.
Managing their time?
Some days it’s all screens and gaming.
Other days, they surprise me — heading outside, moving their bodies, creating their own rhythm.
And honestly? Some days it’s hard to watch.
Other days, I feel a deep, unexpected pride.
Because in those moments when they choose balance on their own, I catch glimpses of the young adults they’re becoming — and it’s both comforting and confronting all at once.
The One Boundary We Kept
At the start of the holidays, we sat them down and had an honest conversation.
We told them:
-
We don’t want to take away the things that make you happy — your gaming, your devices, your downtime.
-
But it’s still our role as parents to remind you about balance.
So the only expectations we held were these:
-
Get outside each day
-
Move your body in some way
-
Have some sense of purpose
-
Connect with us as a family at least once a day
Not rules.
Not ultimatums.
Just anchors — to help maintain closeness, connection and wellbeing.
And then… we handed the rest over to them.
The Inner Work of a Control-Loving Mum
This stage hasn’t just been about them.
It’s been about me.
As a mum who has always liked to control, organise and curate my kids’ lives, this transition has required a huge amount of inner work. Sitting on my hands. Biting my tongue. Trusting that everything doesn’t need fixing in the moment.
I’ve had to remind myself that discomfort doesn’t always mean danger — sometimes it’s just growth.
And yes… I’ve been reaching for a truckload of my Let it Go blend during this time. Because releasing control, expectations and old parenting identities is no small thing. It’s emotional. It’s messy. And it asks us to soften where we once held tight.
Learning to Trust the Process
This phase of parenting feels less like guiding and more like witnessing.
Watching them stumble a little.
Watching them recalibrate.
Watching them figure out who they are — and who they’re not.
It’s not about being hands-off.
It’s about being open-handed.
And while I don’t get it right every day, I’m learning to make peace with this stage — trusting that the foundation we laid is strong enough to hold them as they learn to stand on their own.
Letting go doesn’t mean disconnecting.
It means evolving — together.
Yours in health,
Alisha
Making Peace with Letting Go (and Trusting Who They’re Becoming)
There’s a quiet, tender grief that comes with this stage of parenting — the one where you realise the rules and boundaries that once held everything together are no longer the right tools.
For years, I’ve been the mum who set the structure. Bedtimes. Limits. Schedules. A carefully curated life designed to protect, guide and nurture my kids through childhood. And it worked — because it needed to.
But somewhere along the way, they became teenagers.
And with that comes a shift that no one really prepares you for: the slow, deliberate letting go of control so they can begin to manage themselves.
Letting Them Feel the Consequences
These school holidays, I’ve noticed how different things feel.
Staying up too late?
I don’t rush in to fix it anymore.
I let them feel what that’s like the next day — the fog, the tiredness, the realisation that choices have consequences.
Managing their time?
Some days it’s all screens and gaming.
Other days, they surprise me — heading outside, moving their bodies, creating their own rhythm.
And honestly? Some days it’s hard to watch.
Other days, I feel a deep, unexpected pride.
Because in those moments when they choose balance on their own, I catch glimpses of the young adults they’re becoming — and it’s both comforting and confronting all at once.
The One Boundary We Kept
At the start of the holidays, we sat them down and had an honest conversation.
We told them:
-
We don’t want to take away the things that make you happy — your gaming, your devices, your downtime.
-
But it’s still our role as parents to remind you about balance.
So the only expectations we held were these:
-
Get outside each day
-
Move your body in some way
-
Have some sense of purpose
-
Connect with us as a family at least once a day
Not rules.
Not ultimatums.
Just anchors — to help maintain closeness, connection and wellbeing.
And then… we handed the rest over to them.
The Inner Work of a Control-Loving Mum
This stage hasn’t just been about them.
It’s been about me.
As a mum who has always liked to control, organise and curate my kids’ lives, this transition has required a huge amount of inner work. Sitting on my hands. Biting my tongue. Trusting that everything doesn’t need fixing in the moment.
I’ve had to remind myself that discomfort doesn’t always mean danger — sometimes it’s just growth.
And yes… I’ve been reaching for a truckload of my Let it Go blend during this time. Because releasing control, expectations and old parenting identities is no small thing. It’s emotional. It’s messy. And it asks us to soften where we once held tight.
Learning to Trust the Process
This phase of parenting feels less like guiding and more like witnessing.
Watching them stumble a little.
Watching them recalibrate.
Watching them figure out who they are — and who they’re not.
It’s not about being hands-off.
It’s about being open-handed.
And while I don’t get it right every day, I’m learning to make peace with this stage — trusting that the foundation we laid is strong enough to hold them as they learn to stand on their own.
Letting go doesn’t mean disconnecting.
It means evolving — together.
Yours in health,
Alisha
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