I recently went on an amazing family holiday to Japan! It was our first time there and hubby and I took our two young teens (13 and 14) and we all absolutely LOVED our time there.

I will also be blogging about the different places we visited, where we stayed as well as share our itinerary as I had so many people contact me through my socials when I documented our travels through my stories, about how they felt so overwhelmed when it came to planning a Japan family holiday and to share as much as I can on my return…I can definitely relate to this so I definitely will also share all this!

But I’m first pulled to share about how I went on a bit of an unplanned self image journey while I was there…

I am 47 and I’m currently in a size 22. I have had a long time to get used to this new larger body (that grew after kids and years of high stress and then grew even more when I started perimenopause) so my weight is not something front of mind anymore.

It used to be…

But I have grown to love the skin I’m in and happily swim and cavort completely unselfconsciously on the beach in my swimsuit during the warmer months.

It’s only sometimes…like when I see a video of myself or go to take a photo and the camera is on selfie mode (that under chin view always takes me by surprise!) that I remember that I’m travelling in a larger vehicle these days and might feel a flash of shame or disappointment or even a feeling of determination to change…or perhaps I might even feel evolved enough to send myself love in that moment despite the initial thoughts that flash up (definitely not in the week of my period, I assure you!)

So it was interesting that my body in Japan helped me experience both ends of this spectrum…

I’ll start with the good!

I was lucky enough to stay in 2 different hotels that provided the traditional Japanese Onsen (bath house) The first one was in Tokyo Bay and I was excited to go naked in a bath house again as my last memory of doing this was in South Korea 17 years ago (when I was 29) and even though I was much lighter then, I was still self conscious about being a bit ‘overweight’ but that was all stripped away within 5 minutes of being in this bath house.

So I was excited to see if I would have the same ‘totally free’ feeling about my body, 17 years, 2 pregnancies and many more kilos later.

And yep, it was just like my first bath house experience. As soon as you strip off your clothes and enter the warm baths with many other naked women of all sizes around you, it doesn’t just make you proud of your body, it makes you love your body and all bodies for that matter!

We are so amazing and we are literally the most incredible machine on earth that will never be able to be replicated by even the most advanced technology no matter how far into the future we are talking…we are simply divine and so lucky to have a functioning body that can sink into warm water and feel the pleasure that relaxation and being comfortable in your own body can bring you.

I wondered if my 14 year old daughter with a history of anorexia and usual current teenage body self image issues would also be brave enough to do this and feel even just a sliver of what I felt?

Initially she was very reluctant but on the last night of our stay, she said “mum, I think I want to try” and we decided that she would come along but if she felt too uncomfortable once she got there, she had the freedom to just change her mind and go back up to our room.

Onsen’s are always split into male and female so it would just be working out if she could be comfortable enough to relax in an all female presence while she was naked. Anyway, long story short, she did it and even chatted away comfortably to me while we soaked in the warm water (she is often the strong silent type so this was great for us!) and afterwards she said she did feel that stripped away feeling of not caring what her physical body looked like…that freedom of just being a part of the sisterhood no matter what that looked like. She also did it again at the next place we stayed with an Onsen so I was really happy I had been able to give this opportunity to her at this young age. Could I have done this at 14? I don’t think so….

Which brings me to the other end of the spectrum with how I felt about my body in Japan…and that was at Universal Studio’s in Osaka.

My biggest excitement about visiting this place was Harry Potter world. Yep. I’m one of those people. When I entered this part of the park, my face lit up like it was Christmas and my whole body buzzed with excitement as my eyes fell on Hogwarts, Hogsmeade and all the incredible things to see and do there!

But when we got to the rides…I was quickly pulled aside on the first line and asked to come and see if I could fit in the ‘test seat’ which were seats at the beginning of the line to see if anyone that might be too big could still be secured by the overhead harness. That was a bit embarrassing as it was but of course I didn’t want to line up only to be turned away when I got the actual ride so testing was a good idea…

But the harness wasn’t able to be pushed all the way down and click in properly as my G cup size boobs and protruding tummy kept it pushed out just a bit too far…

My family’s faces fell when they realised I wouldn’t be joining them and they all offered to not go on it either…but I smiled and joked and said that I was totally ok and I couldn’t wait to hear what the experience was like so of course they had to go on the ride for me!

I waved them off and then went had a little cry. Of course, it broke my heart. Of course the shame overwhelmed me so much that I felt shaky in my own body. But I let the emotions out and then got back to regulating and some positive self talk. This is the gist of it:

“Alisha, this is your journey. This is your body right now. You can do whatever you want from here and take away whatever you need from this experience but look at where you are! Does it matter that you miss a couple of rides? Your family will learn from this also whatever they need to learn but the most important thing is that you love this body as it is right now as nothing grows or is changed from a place of shame or hate”

And to be honest guys, it has changed something in me that is quietly marinating away for further discussion later…but out of the two experiences I’ve described here, the one that stands out most and feels most true to me is the unselfconscious bathing in an Onsen surrounded by so many other beautiful bodies that have probably all been loved, hated, mistreated and celebrated in one way or another over the years…

And to stay in that space of self love for my body (no matter whether it fits into a harnessed chair at a Harry Potter ride or not) for not only myself but to also model for my kids is the easiest choice to make…because at the end of the day, it is my choice and I choose feeling good…almost every time.

Alisha x

I recently went on an amazing family holiday to Japan! It was our first time there and hubby and I took our two young teens (13 and 14) and we all absolutely LOVED our time there.

I will also be blogging about the different places we visited, where we stayed as well as share our itinerary as I had so many people contact me through my socials when I documented our travels through my stories, about how they felt so overwhelmed when it came to planning a Japan family holiday and to share as much as I can on my return…I can definitely relate to this so I definitely will also share all this!

But I’m first pulled to share about how I went on a bit of an unplanned self image journey while I was there…

I am 47 and I’m currently in a size 22. I have had a long time to get used to this new larger body (that grew after kids and years of high stress and then grew even more when I started perimenopause) so my weight is not something front of mind anymore.

It used to be…

But I have grown to love the skin I’m in and happily swim and cavort completely unselfconsciously on the beach in my swimsuit during the warmer months.

It’s only sometimes…like when I see a video of myself or go to take a photo and the camera is on selfie mode (that under chin view always takes me by surprise!) that I remember that I’m travelling in a larger vehicle these days and might feel a flash of shame or disappointment or even a feeling of determination to change…or perhaps I might even feel evolved enough to send myself love in that moment despite the initial thoughts that flash up (definitely not in the week of my period, I assure you!)

So it was interesting that my body in Japan helped me experience both ends of this spectrum…

I’ll start with the good!

I was lucky enough to stay in 2 different hotels that provided the traditional Japanese Onsen (bath house) The first one was in Tokyo Bay and I was excited to go naked in a bath house again as my last memory of doing this was in South Korea 17 years ago (when I was 29) and even though I was much lighter then, I was still self conscious about being a bit ‘overweight’ but that was all stripped away within 5 minutes of being in this bath house.

So I was excited to see if I would have the same ‘totally free’ feeling about my body, 17 years, 2 pregnancies and many more kilos later.

And yep, it was just like my first bath house experience. As soon as you strip off your clothes and enter the warm baths with many other naked women of all sizes around you, it doesn’t just make you proud of your body, it makes you love your body and all bodies for that matter!

We are so amazing and we are literally the most incredible machine on earth that will never be able to be replicated by even the most advanced technology no matter how far into the future we are talking…we are simply divine and so lucky to have a functioning body that can sink into warm water and feel the pleasure that relaxation and being comfortable in your own body can bring you.

I wondered if my 14 year old daughter with a history of anorexia and usual current teenage body self image issues would also be brave enough to do this and feel even just a sliver of what I felt?

Initially she was very reluctant but on the last night of our stay, she said “mum, I think I want to try” and we decided that she would come along but if she felt too uncomfortable once she got there, she had the freedom to just change her mind and go back up to our room.

Onsen’s are always split into male and female so it would just be working out if she could be comfortable enough to relax in an all female presence while she was naked. Anyway, long story short, she did it and even chatted away comfortably to me while we soaked in the warm water (she is often the strong silent type so this was great for us!) and afterwards she said she did feel that stripped away feeling of not caring what her physical body looked like…that freedom of just being a part of the sisterhood no matter what that looked like. She also did it again at the next place we stayed with an Onsen so I was really happy I had been able to give this opportunity to her at this young age. Could I have done this at 14? I don’t think so….

Which brings me to the other end of the spectrum with how I felt about my body in Japan…and that was at Universal Studio’s in Osaka.

My biggest excitement about visiting this place was Harry Potter world. Yep. I’m one of those people. When I entered this part of the park, my face lit up like it was Christmas and my whole body buzzed with excitement as my eyes fell on Hogwarts, Hogsmeade and all the incredible things to see and do there!

But when we got to the rides…I was quickly pulled aside on the first line and asked to come and see if I could fit in the ‘test seat’ which were seats at the beginning of the line to see if anyone that might be too big could still be secured by the overhead harness. That was a bit embarrassing as it was but of course I didn’t want to line up only to be turned away when I got the actual ride so testing was a good idea…

But the harness wasn’t able to be pushed all the way down and click in properly as my G cup size boobs and protruding tummy kept it pushed out just a bit too far…

My family’s faces fell when they realised I wouldn’t be joining them and they all offered to not go on it either…but I smiled and joked and said that I was totally ok and I couldn’t wait to hear what the experience was like so of course they had to go on the ride for me!

I waved them off and then went had a little cry. Of course, it broke my heart. Of course the shame overwhelmed me so much that I felt shaky in my own body. But I let the emotions out and then got back to regulating and some positive self talk. This is the gist of it:

“Alisha, this is your journey. This is your body right now. You can do whatever you want from here and take away whatever you need from this experience but look at where you are! Does it matter that you miss a couple of rides? Your family will learn from this also whatever they need to learn but the most important thing is that you love this body as it is right now as nothing grows or is changed from a place of shame or hate”

And to be honest guys, it has changed something in me that is quietly marinating away for further discussion later…but out of the two experiences I’ve described here, the one that stands out most and feels most true to me is the unselfconscious bathing in an Onsen surrounded by so many other beautiful bodies that have probably all been loved, hated, mistreated and celebrated in one way or another over the years…

And to stay in that space of self love for my body (no matter whether it fits into a harnessed chair at a Harry Potter ride or not) for not only myself but to also model for my kids is the easiest choice to make…because at the end of the day, it is my choice and I choose feeling good…almost every time.

Alisha x