A Weight off My Mind....

Print

August 09, 2013

Overweight. Big. Fat. Large. Trying to lose.

Words that I am saying goodbye to and I'm writing this blog today to help you start to as well.

You see, it's these types of words that circle constantly around the brain of people who are over their 'ideal' weight and they cause so much harm.  Negative thinking about how we view ourselves keeps us where we don't want to be.

I say 'we' because to any woman reading this who is unhappy with their weight - I'm there with you.  In fact I'm quite overweight at the moment and I promise that is the last time I use that word to describe myself.

What a less critical and less judgemental person would see when they look at me and know what I've been through this year is a woman who has struggled with a recent set of obstacles thrown at her by life and has turned to food for comfort and fulfilment.  She has been there before and will probably go there again, this is not new to her.

Nothing else.  It hasn't changed who I fundamentally am nor does it need to define my future.  It is my past and my present.

I have a lot of baggage associated with my body image and I know many others do as well.

I also feel less authentic in my profession as a naturopath as I feel I should embody a picture of health.  It's unfortunate that 'health' is associated with the slim figure but it is.  I don't place any more value or view as more healthy in 'skinny' over 'plump' when I look at others, so why should I judge myself so critically?

Because that's what we do.

That is the whole problem.

I'm not advocating a certain weight to be more healthy - it's our state of mind that needs to get healthier.

So here is a promise from me to you and I want you to make one in return to me.

I know you don't know me personally but I am just like you.

Full of doubts, insecurities, self admonishment.

I'm hard on myself and I treat others better than I treat myself.

But my main glimmer of hope right now is this awareness.

I need to love who I am at all my stages in this life.

If my outside did not reflect my struggles, my heartache, my achievements, my faults, then what would I use as my yardstick to know what I need to work on?

We have to love this vehicle that houses our very imperfect self and treat it with the utmost kindness and love - just as we would treat our friends, our family, our partner, our sons, daughters and anyone that crosses our path that needed our help.  

  

So this is my promise.

I will love my less than ideal weight.

I will love whatever I become, even if that means smaller or bigger.

I will love that I'm still standing after 2 pregnancies and still learning to take care of all of my hearts since we have multiplied so quickly

I will love that I will know what it's like when people come to me with similar issues

I will love that I know how to help them

I will love the person that is trying to hide from photos and the world until she is where she thinks she needs to be

I will love being recognised for what I do and not what I look like

I will love you if you allow yourself to start loving you too

I hope you all will return the promise I am making to you - we can all help each other see our beauty whatever our size and if we want to change how we look in any way - we can!

But not by beating ourselves up and certainly not by withholding love from ourselves until we reach that ever elusive 'perfect' as there really is no such thing.

If you need any emotional support via the flower essences on your weight loss journey then I highly recommend the Let it Go pack which contains blends to help with the emotions commonly surrounding weight issues.

 

Yours in Health,

 

Alisha xx


32 Responses

Bianca
Bianca

November 10, 2013

I am in tears reading this blog.. My weight issues go so far back and started in my childhood years. I with you all the way here

Joanne
Joanne

September 19, 2013

OMG that’s the best blog I’ve ever read and so close to home its scary. Thank you!

Reba
Reba

November 06, 2013

I nearly cried at this post – so young and yet profound knowledge about how little many women (including me) undervalue themselves. It’s too late to raise my grown daughters with much of this brilliant instruction, but I’m sure my grandchildren will benefit from the new me. I shall endeavor to gain confidence and, one day, learn to love myself as deeply and wholeheartedly as I love others.

Emily Morgan
Emily Morgan

September 10, 2013

Thanks so much for this – it’s so important for me to remember this with my little girl. Mamagoingsolo here, saying hi from Digital Carnival :)

Nourishing Myself | Natural New Age Mum
Nourishing Myself | Natural New Age Mum

September 18, 2013

[…] good enough and not really measuring up as a real ‘natural new age mum’.  Alisha wrote this blog post and it gave me courage and inspired me. She is my soul sister and I love […]

Bron
Bron

September 19, 2013

Love this blog! As a mother of two beautiful boys, I think the “daughter” lessons are just as important to our boys! Thank you for your wise words!!

jacqfruit
jacqfruit

September 10, 2013

I’m so glad I found your post! (Digital Parents blog carnival). It is so honest and open and I think we need more of this surrounding us every day. Thank you for sharing.

jacqfruit.wordpress.com

jeanieinparadise
jeanieinparadise

September 10, 2013

A thought provoking post. I quite agree with you regarding stopping the self-deprecation that is directed towards ourselves and our need to stop that cycle with our daughter.

HOWEVER – I don’t think being in complete denial about our bodies is the whole answer – I think self-acceptance and empowerment and considering your body as a valuable vehicle

We (and our daughters) will receive criticism from all around no matter what we do – it is, unfortunately, the nature of this society that we dwell within (sidenote – have you SEEN the headlines on womens magazines? I say THANK GOD I am not famous almost every time) – we need to work out how to react and how to ensure that our core being is not destroyed by something that is a reflection of our vessel.

Caz @ Home Heart Haven
Caz @ Home Heart Haven

August 18, 2013

Alisha – your honesty, vulnerability and bravery are inspiring. Thank you for starting this conversation. Much love and hugs

Emma Fahy Davis
Emma Fahy Davis

September 09, 2013

I’m so glad I took a moment to read this because as someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, I’ve taken a lot from it. Thank you for your honesty.
Visiting via DP Blog Carnival :)

Jody at Six Little Hearts
Jody at Six Little Hearts

August 12, 2013

A beautiful post! I especially love the messages to pass on to our daughters. I was a former sufferer of anorexia nervosa in my early 20’s. I am extremely careful of how I speak in front of my 13 year old in regards to body image. (She does not even know I had it). I have never spoken of her body other than to say she is beautiful. It drives me mad when other Moms speak of their perceived body problems in front of their kids. I am also trying to lose 6 kilos post baby at present. I am breastfeeding and it is my milk fat. It will go eventually but the bliss of feeding my new daughter will last a lifetime. Not the memory of the scales.

Leah
Leah

August 14, 2013

love this post…. i hate how society says we should all look like…. “x” we are all works in progress and have so much going on and then a lil thing called life comes into play too…. i hate the body image judgement… recently i have lost alot of weight because i have been sick, but people just assumed that just went on a diet or something… i dont do diets!!! but i hate that they dont even care that i have been sick… they just think it is great that i have lost weight!!! they say " oh well what ever it is, dont stop doing it coz its working"!!!WHAT THE!!! i have just told you that i have been sick so u think i should just stay sick so i can continue to loose weight!!! pffft anyway… hmmm this has gone into a bit of a vent of my own… really just wanted to say, i understand where you are coming from, love you and people of all sizes and shapes, wish people would stop judging and assuming. xoxo

mamagrace71
mamagrace71

August 17, 2013

Beautiful and poignant. Thanks for sharing x

mamacino
mamacino

August 11, 2013

What a beautiful, honest post Leash. I have been obsessing over the 2kg I have put on over the winter and this post was exactly the wake up call I needed to put that into perspective and realise what a waste of energy that has been…am now spending that time thinking positive thoughts about myself thanks to you xxx

brenda34
brenda34

August 10, 2013

Bless you Alisha. Before kids I worked in a the entertainment business, surrounded by gorgeous models and actors & the “beautiful people”. It’s just as destructive for women on that side too, So much pressure to live up to some unrealistc ideal that was determined and manipulated by advertisers, photographers,photoshop and money. Little wonder so many turn to drugs and alcohol. We “real people” are also exposed to these ideals, indoctrinated by these ideals, can’t help but compare ourselves to society’s unttainable ideals. Keep on shedding the stigma. As you say, there is SO MUCH to love. Bren x

kidsrecipesandorganisedchaos
kidsrecipesandorganisedchaos

August 10, 2013

I love this. I too am above my ideal weight, (promise I won’t say that again!) but honestly am much healthier than many ‘skinny’ women I know. I love food, not bad food, and I get more happiness from sitting and sharing a home cooked meal with family and friends than I do going for a run, or depriving myself.
It’s sad as women how we focus on our weight, and I have friends who ask me how I’m going with my weight loss (assuming I’m actually trying to lose at sz16).
Anyway, I’m rambling. Great post. Be kind to yourself xx

wholefood simply
wholefood simply

August 09, 2013

Your knowledge is profound and the way you write is easily understood and so often related too. Please be proud of where you are at, you may not know how many people are admiring you, exactly as you are. I too read this speaking to your daughter piece and thought it was wonderful, pass it on and pass it on I say. Thank you Alisha, I am sure you have comforted and cheered many people people today.

Kelly Burch
Kelly Burch

August 10, 2013

That’s a good point! Words are just words.

I hope that you can love yourself more Alisha and surround the words that you give yourself with that love as a natural extension of that.

I’m not one who has had any body-image hangups so that part doesn’t resonate with me, but getting real about how we feel within ourselves and about ourselves most certainly resonates and I hope you share with us your journey as it goes on.

Shannon
Shannon

August 10, 2013

You are amazing and inspirational… you show strength and courage where some of us can’t! Keep on shining brightly xo

Collette
Collette

August 09, 2013

Wow…I am certain that you will be an inspiration to so many women out there (if you are not already!) for being so genuine and honest with this touching blogpost.
We are all our own harshest critics and I agree with you speaking to yourself as you would a friend.
With 3 daughters I am trying to be very aware of not putting myself (and others of course) down because of looks in any way….and I have even gone to the extra step of not having bathroom scales as I don’t want them to have a bad day depending on the scales.

Keep up your amazing work and remember that beauty is more than skin deep – whilst I have never actually met you, I KNOW that you are beautiful in every possible way!

Vanessa Nixon
Vanessa Nixon

August 09, 2013

Wow Alisha – what an amazing post ! Always s o honest and from the heart I totally totally hear you – and yes I’ve been there too but you know what im grateful for it – because i wouldn’t be the person i am today had it not happened – one day ill share with you my life transforming pictures xxx

Nelly
Nelly

August 09, 2013

Dear Alisha

Thanks for your post which I agree with mostly. But not entirely. Here is why…

I don’t think that using the word “overweight” is being judgmental. It is not more judgemental than the word “thin”, or “tall”, or “short” or any other adjectives that describe a fact. Being overweight, as such, doesn’t mean anything else than having too much fat compared to what it would be healthy to have. It doesn’t mean being lazy or unattractive or stupid or with no will power. These are the negative connotations that society adds onto it, but it is not the true meaning of the word as such. And banning that word from your vocabulary is somehow participating to that mentality; it is accepting that “overweight” is a bad word…

In a nation (and a world) that is killing itself with obesity and many diseases linked to being overweight (diabetes, cholesterol, etc), I don’t believe that hiding away from the fact – being overweight – is a healthy attitude. It is equally unhealthy as constantly hating oneself for being overweight. See, there is a huge difference between Love/ Acceptance and Resignation/Oblivion. One must love oneself as a soul, regardless whether one is fat, skinny, tall, short, healthy or sick. But one must be aware of how they are too.

Getting rid of the word “overweight” is further diabolising it, it’s pretending a possible health matter doesn’t exist. It’s the first step towards denial. It’s not healthy. When someone is overweight, they should acknowledge it for what it is – a fact, not a failure. Being overweight always comes from an imbalance: hormonal imbalance, eating unhealthy food and/or eating too large quantity (this can be due to many things: stress, trauma, emotional imbalance, habits, tastes, lack of nutritional education, etc), lack of exercise etc. As you know, an imbalance, if left unattended, always leads to complications. Pretending that imbalance doesn’t exist is dangerous.

So, instead of banning the word “overweight”, maybe we should start by accepting it fully and not letting it describe us as a persona. Not let it project onto us stigma that the society wants to project. Let it just be a fact that we acknowledge as a potential health issue. Let’s put in place the right measures to correct that factual imbalance (don’t just go on a diet but work on the reasons why the weight piled up in the first place). And, at the core of that, let’s work, as you said, on LOVING ourselves at ALL times of our life – no matter how large, skinny, poor, rich, unproductive or successful we are.

As for our daughters, we should lead by example and encourage them to embrace life and help them build their self-esteem. But we should not turn a blind eye when we notice they suddenly gain (or lose!) lots of weight or they overeat (or undereat) as it might be the signs of deeper, more complex issues (bullying at school, abuse, insecurities, emotional stress, etc).

And at the end of the day, we should all remember that weight should NEVER be the centre of our attention; Life should be.

Thank you for sharing your insight and good luck on your journey.

Jo
Jo

August 09, 2013

Thankyou for sharing such a personal and vulnerable aspect of where you are at.
We all come in different shapes and sizes… variety is the spice of life.
Being comfortable within ones self requires work…making time for ourselves, mentally, physically and with age and wisdom.
The turning point for me after having 2 kids and piling on the weight was to make a commitment to myself and start nurturing myself as well as I nurtured others and for me this involved eating well (oh how I love good food) and regular exercise (nothing strenuous!…1 hr of walking and yoga).
For me the important issue is self care (and that certainly is difficult with a young family and work/time commitments) but the flow on effect is radiance and confidence from within.

It’s a commitment to yourself but so worth it :)

Diane Russell
Diane Russell

August 09, 2013

Alisha…. this blog certainly hit home with me and as I have said to you before I am probably one of your more “senior” followers…I have been there and done that just SO many times myself in my life from my teen years when my roller coaster life began with the untimely death of my beautiful dad… and that’s a LONG time ago…. As you said yourself life can throw some BIG challenges at you and believe me I have had some whoppers…so in comes the “comfort” eating and the feeling “alone”…It took me until I WAS a “senior” to learn to love ME for who I am and NOT what others think I should be and I feel wonderful!!…I am doing what feel’s right in my heart…I pass this on to my daughter ( who would be in your age range I would say) all the time as she also has had issues with body weight and how she looks and really she is a beautiful talented caring young lady just as you come across to me as being much the same….I think sometimes we who care so much about others find ourselves thinking there is no-one to care for us….There certainly is NO perfect if anyone thinks so they will chase their tails till the end of their days…Just be who you are…be happy love yourself as you are and NEVER feel you are alone…Keep up the fantastic work and stay “beautiful!!” One very “caring” senior…Diane ;) :) xx

Author Bek Mugridge (@bekmugridge)
Author Bek Mugridge (@bekmugridge)

August 09, 2013

LOVE love love this post – biggest hugs and standing applause!!!.
XXXX with so much love XXX

Sharon
Sharon

August 09, 2013

I love this!

Thank you, I am in a very similar position now BUT it is the first time I have not fully berated myself for getting here…I am learning to love myself from the inside out.

Sharon xx

Susan Bunning
Susan Bunning

August 09, 2013

Thank you for being real and encouraging us as women to look at this very important issue. We are wonderful and amazing. Remembering that is vital so we can shine brightly!

Kirri White
Kirri White

August 09, 2013

My favourite post of yours to date Alicia. Vulnerability is strengthening – for all of us.
I think you are beautiful x

Sonia @ Natural New Age Mum
Sonia @ Natural New Age Mum

August 09, 2013

I love that you wrote this post. My journey is so similar – I am a work in progress but I am getting there!! Just know that you are never alone in your journey my friend. xxxxxx

Iwa Brown
Iwa Brown

August 09, 2013

What a beautiful and honest post. This is something I struggle with a lot! It’s time I gave myself a break from being my own worst critic.

liz
liz

August 09, 2013

Wow…you have struck such a chord with me today, im in tears after reading this. Its exactly how ive been feeling. Even though i dont know you, you’re so real and i love your honesty..dont ever change that! Thank you for sharing. You’re a top chick!!!

Jedha
Jedha

August 09, 2013

Alisha, this is a truly wonderful and inspiring post that no more words can emphasise it’s power. I’m a nutrition and weight loss coach and I help women to end the dieting cycle through learning how to love and nurture themselves properly. Beating ourselves up only leads to more negative outcomes and it’s so very destructive to our souls. Thanks for sharing this and being so open about it. Gorgeous beautiful woman :)

Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.